There are women who when their desired pregnancy arrives, they are not able to celebrate it because they are immersed in a deep fear that prevents them from enjoying this precious stage of their lives.
Don’t be afraid to bond.
Now, pregnant, whatever the point you are, I would like to tell you: DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE BONDED with the creature you carry within. It is very difficult, I know, because you are afraid of losing it at some point, it is a very human reaction, a defense mechanism, we always try not to get too happy about something we fear losing.
And you will tell me that how you can enjoy this stage, how to allow yourself the joy of feeling this bond with the baby that has not yet been born? Well, the same fear always invades you: What if something doesn’t go right? What if I lose it?
But you know perfectly well that the future is open to infinite possibilities, nobody knows, and just as it can go wrong, there is the possibility that it can go right. That is why if a new life continues to beat inside you, just focus on the fact that you are already a mother, because you are from the moment you allow yourself to feel it that way.
If unfortunately you lost it, you would go through a very unknown mourning for most, since gestational mourning is a very silenced mourning, but remember that when we bond without fear with those we love, and we allow ourselves to go through the duel from love (not from resistance and fear), this duel is much easier to develop. In the same way that when someone we love dies, if in life we could love him and tell him how much we have loved him, the duel will be lived from love, it will be elaborated and it will be possible to learn to live again with that absence, but yes On the contrary, we had pending things to say, to do, to demonstrate, in short, when we consider that we have not linked enough with that person in life, we will suffer even more for his absence.
Do not fear the love for the new life that already beats within you.
The duel has several stages, you have to go through all the phases of pain so that it can reach its development in a healthy way and does not leave important sequels, a well-prepared duel is one in which we can reach the acceptance phase, in that moment we have learned to live again. There are those who say that to work out the duel is to “convert an external absence into an internal presence“, it is to be able to carry out with dignity and forever in the heart those who no longer exist on the material plane.
But grief becomes permanent suffering and lasts longer than usual (sometimes a lifetime) when we are not able to go through its phases and we cannot work it out. This happens when we resist, when we do not accept, in these cases what happens is that when we try to repress the pain so as not to suffer, in reality what we do does not allow to RELEASE the suffering. This resistance is even greater when we have not linked enough with the loved one, when we have pending things … And this is the same for gestational grief, which means that precisely not allowing ourselves to link with the baby, will not prevent us from suffering in In the event of losing it, in any case, we will suffer more.
For this reason, whatever happens tomorrow, if you now have your baby inside you, there is no need to fear the love for this new life that is already beating, no matter how small, do not prevent yourself from enjoying feeling it inside your body. Whatever happens, at this moment there is a being that grows every day and through which your body will change so that you can be its food and shelter, do not live this experience from permanent fear to the uncertainty of «what will happen tomorrow », What happens tomorrow we will know tomorrow.
If, unfortunately, tomorrow we will have to suffer, it will suffer, but now, at this moment, do not suffer for something that may or may not happen, do not suffer for the “just in case something goes wrong tomorrow”, at this moment just allow yourself to feel that love , do not fear the bond, enjoy it, believe your mother because you already are.
Love is very powerful, whatever happens, even if the worst happens, love will always do us a lot of good, love can only heal us, it is the constant fear of life’s uncertainty that makes us sick.
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